Also I made these last year. There are more. I’ll post them when I take photos. They’re all 12×12″ acrylic on wood panel. They don’t make a lot of sense in the context of my other work so I’m looking to sell them off cheap, figure out a price ($200? $100?) and keep half the net proceeds and donate the rest to the Trans Lifeline. Why them: well, that’s a very good question but I don’t have a few hours to explain things to a nonexistent audience so just go with it but contact me here, and http://www.nicholasgrider.com should be active again by June 15th, I think.

So hey there. In case you’re wandering around and found this, or wander around in the near future and find this, some notes:

  1. For clarity and cleanliness, I started posting new work here but I’ve only been doing so sporadically. That should change, and I might keep posting here, dividing the sites between new work and writing that’s more critical/expository over here.
  2. I’ll also have a website soon but everything’s slow and disorganized right now; here’s why:
  3. After over two years of erratic, bizarre, severe chronic illness I was finally diagnosed in February with a functional autonomic disorder and am awaiting tests for what might be an autoimmune disorder as well, but needless to say I haven’t made much work or done much because I’m absolutely not in control of my sleep schedule at all and am still having problems with fatigue, fevers, confusion, abrupt shifts in mood, abrupt and drastic weight loss and gain, chronic pain, and, most fun of all, increasingly frequent and intense PTSD flashbacks. (Don’t worry, I don’t plan on sharing any details.)

So my main work for the past for years is continuing to be alive, which is more or less working, but the problem now is the clinics/centers/etc. I need to go to six days a week for physical therapy and other treatments are….not on a bus line, and I don’t have a car. So my main job right now is earning money for a car so I can get well.

I also may have shared that I’d gone back to school for pre-med certification, but my own health problems drove that into a ditch, meaning I’m two classes short of applying but made a mess of everything in my usual extravagant way. So: who knows.

I also converted to Judaism (the far-left fiery socialist “Bernie is too moderate” kind) and managed to make a complete mess of that as well.

I also almost got a novel published; one large press even read the book twice. But you can guess what I did in terms of making a mess of things, etc.

I also briefly got a job as a transcription/orchestration worker on an opera but I got fired because I explained the chronic illnesses to my boss, so huge mess, etc.

I am developing a sense of humor about this and am more laidback about things, while simultaneously really past the point of taking any shit from anyone; in 2018 alone I almost died four times; one of those times I had a stroke, probably––all the symptoms and couldn’t move but the number of people who cared = 0 so I sort of waited it out. Really. It wasn’t as bad as last December when I stopped breathing, actually. But hence: not taking shit from people.

So anyway. In order to dump some actual content here, I’m back making artwork and have been for a while so here are some glimpses fo work that address the illnesses and related shifts in my identity.

Also I started composing (classical) music again and making electronic and dance music, and writing, so to date that’s music under my name and five band names I haven’t share with anyone, and writing under a total of I think seven or eight pen names.

Before the images, you can also find some of my recent fiction here and here.

Okay then. Images now, context later, unless I forget.

So folks part of being a college student (yet again) is that I’m dirt poor (as always) so I had to let go of my official art site but it was bloated anyway and needs an overhaul when I have New Better Work for it, and I do, some of it at least, but the deal is this: I went back to school for pre-med certification (I’ll be applying to med schools next spring/summer) which is an intense thing, but the deal with not having much time to make art is I found new focus and intelligence about making it, both photos and paintings, so my art actually improved (though you can be the judge).

Just for today, a few things: new paintings.  The case with these is that they work from the outside in vs. the normal way so what looks like chaos in the middle is actually simple inexorable logic plus a little geometry.  Not the only thing I’m doing, but I tried figurative painting and that stuff looks like I’m an eight year old, legally blind impressionist, so this abstract stuff works out better for everyone involved.

I also got a lot better at writing at about the same time, and I don’t know if people actually read/keep blogs anymore when you can just go get hit in the face by Facebook’s endless hammering but, you know, whatever.

Also I chilled out for the first time in my life and converted to Judaism and wrote a good novel and maybe got an agent and am writing an epic poem that’s 293 pages so far so it’s unpublishable, but if you like epic poems about Jewish mysticism and you’re a publisher, get in touch. 🙂

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Even less of an update

August 2, 2014

Okay I have no idea if people even actually find this or read any of it or anything but uh um yeah: do NOT ever take a summer college science course.  Especially if you are a perfectionist.  It came in handy because otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to cover the cost of my car repairs but Chem 102 just makes me shake with fierce loathing because I’m only getting a B+ instead of an A.  Yeah.

Got my most favorite story published by The Fanzine.  Very thankful to them for that.  Conjunctions tweeted about it.  (About the story, not about me being grateful.)

Also there’s this, how I’ve spent almost a year in the conversion process and it’s been this tremendously wonderful thing for me health-wise and having-a-future-wise and financial-independence-wise and Judaism for me has nothing at all to do with Zionism but now my casual acquaintances all think I’m a fascist colonialist (I’m not, I don’t condone any of that, I condemn it) but also oh wait now that I can convert the head rabbi decided he hates me because I’m kind of weird and intense and I’m poor and don’t have a family so my conversion got put on hold.  As a pre-med student you can declare whatever major you want, so I’m planning to pick up a Hebrew Studies BA because that’s how invested I am but explaining to my profs and classmates “no I’m not actually Jewish, I only got about 80% there” might be awkward.  I could try another synagogue but they’re just gonna ask so what went wrong at the first synagogue?  And I’ll have to explain I’m weird and intense.

I’m still trying to learn all the prayers I’m supposed to learn, but nobody bothered to tell me which ones, all I know is that I have no idea what I’m saying because they’re all in Hebrew.  I have discovered I’m a decent singer, though, wide vocal range and good control of vibrato; I want to approach my chem professor and ask her if I can maybe sing to her in Hebrew or give her evidence of my hatafat dan (you don’t want to know) for extra credit but guess what: she thinks I’m kind of weird and intense.  She’s right.

Also my copy of Photoshop fell out of my computer and broke so here’s all I have for images right now.  Also apparently according to the experts abstract photography is not cool, it’s lame, but I sorta feel about the art world like an OG vampire feels about sunlight so no big.  Images below are 6×6′ and 4×6′ respectively so lean in real close to get an approx. sense of scale.




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Not much of an update

May 17, 2014

Working on a few new photo things and a few paintings when I have time, working on fixing a novel and some new poems when I have time, mainly am busy 1) with pre-med classes, 2) with “shadowing” doctors, 3) with volunteering (soon), and 4) with converting to Judaism (by the end of summer).  Those things all take quite a bit of time, so not much to see here, except a photo from a new series (information storage) and a link to a nice review of my book, which is now available from the publisher, from Spdbooks, and from Amazon.

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Uh, so yeah.

March 29, 2014

I have about four essays half-finished for a new mag I write for; all are probably unpublishable.  I sat down and wrote a story in 80 minutes last week, revised it, it’s done.  I started another story and have a bunch outlined or half-done and that’s on the table but the deal is: I’m applying to med school.  So what that means right now is that I’m embarking on a year-long journey to memorize the MCAT test materials and situations, I’m taking probably five semesters of college classes, I’m “shadowing” at least one, probably three physicians at work, and I’m doing the delicate dance of how-do-I-afford-this-I can’t-afford-this-maybe-uh-I-don’t-know.

So I’m not being very productive or getting any reading done, and I’m too exhausted to have anything interesting to say, but I’m cranking out a lot of new “photo” work, much of which is early video game meets clown act meets let’s see if I can get away with this.  I’ll post a bunch soon but here now just more images, here from a series called Reverb mining my archives of old stuff.

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March 21, 2014

So here’s an alternate approach to the series below.  More later.

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