Slowed Down and Sped Up

September 20, 2011

Haven’t managed to make any new visual work yet though I bought the necessary materials today so I’ll get to it tomorrow.  Mostly, though, the physical act of going through with something feels like a crawl–I want instant action.  On the other hand, most days I produce in a day what other people do in a week, art and writing.  The three reasons behind all the fast and slow are both internal and external.  Internal is easy: I’m punch-drunk from early morning insomnia so I’m up at 4am working but by 4 in the afternoon I’m a slug.  Or I would be a slug, except I’m on Vyvanse, which is an amphetamine, meaning that I have significant focus and energy even when I don’t feel like I do.  That’s why I could turn around a short story manuscript in three days from 160 pages to 210 the whole thing revised and proofread: energy and focus, above and beyond my natural enthusiasm.

External is just that I spend most of my time when not working, waiting.  Waiting for my agent to get back to me, waiting for gallerists and curators to get back to me, waiting for people in my personal life to come around, waiting for the world to catch up with me.  All the waiting is just how things work but makes you feel like you don’t have any energy and focus even when you do.

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