January 24, 2012
So I’m going to Los Angeles. The money came together to book the flight and rent the car and the flight is booked and the car is rented. If I do some sideways-twisting I could even rent a motel room, but I’m not sure about that yet and have a place to stay if I don’t, it’s just that air travel leaves me nervous and exhausted, and art openings leave me nervous and exhausted, and I need somewhere quiet to retreat to between 2pm and 7pm the night of the opening.
Which brings forth two kinds of questions of me re: LA. I have many friends in LA, right? So what do I do between 2pm and 7pm on the day I’m in LA? What I need to do is calm down, but how? My friendships at this point are mostly tenuous and slim because of time and distance so I don’t know who it is I’d call to ask out for coffee or something, wherever I end up, so what does it really mean for me to be in LA now as more of an outsider than a former resident?
And there’s the other being there: being at the reception. What should I expect from being there? There’s the panicky thrill of being there itself, but is there anything else I should be looking for, meaning could this show to lead to other things and could that process start at the opening so I should be prepared? I have no idea. I don’t know who will show up or what they’ll have to say to me, and as much as I’m thrilled to be there in person, I also still have that dread of making casual conversation with friends who are strangers for two hours. So I don’t know what to expect out of going. All I know is I’m glad to be there to be there and whatever happens, happens.